Reasons Why Severus Snape Is On The No Fly List
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Complete! These are a series of shorts listing the reasons why Professor Severus Snape is no longer allowed to fly on an airplane. Hilarity ensues! Rated T for language and crude humor in later chapters. Please read and review!
1. Reason 1

**Reasons Why Severus Snape Is On The No Fly List**

**By**: Master Jin Sonata and Time Master (T.M.)

**Genre**: Humor

**Written**: June 2007

* * *

**Authors notes**: 

**Master Jin Sonata**: Yep, another joint story project from the two of us!

**Time Master**: Hope you like it!

* * *

**Disclaimer**: We do not own Harry Potter or the creepy Professor Snape!

* * *

Professor Severus Snape, you know, the creepy professor everyone loves or hates? Well, betcha didn't know he used to constantly take a plane to get to foreign destinations, due to his Wizardry license being revoked for a year after he had turned a misbehaving student into a broom and used him to clean the floors with…

Anyway, here is the start of a list of reasons why Severus Snape is now on the No-Fly List.

**Reason #1: Snape's A Rookie When It Comes To Consuming Liquor**

Snape's on a plane going towards a Wizardry convention overseas. He sat near the isle and was about to get cozy and go to sleep, when a flight attendant stopped by his seat.

"**Would you like a cold drink, sir?" **the flight attendant asked.

Snape, a bit disgruntled that he was being bothered, slowly opened his eyes and looked next to him. The flight attendant had a cart full of different beverages for him to choose from. Deciding to humor the flight attendant, he chooses one at random.

"**I'll take the gold colored stuff…"** Snape says in his usual droll voice.

The flight attendant grabs the bottle he wants and hands it to him. Snape then pops open the cap and takes a swig. He raised an eyebrow when he had a good taste of his drink.

**"What is this stuff…it's not bad…"**

**Minutes Later**

Severus Snape was completely intoxicated after only taking two drinks of his beverage. At this point, he was bothering the other travelers by drabbling nonsense to them.

"**So as I was sayin' (Hic!) This boy prodigy named Horry PotHead…or whatever, comes to our school, (Hic!) ands thinks he's all that and stuff…"**

Soon after, he fell out of his seat out onto the isle, passed out from the alcohol.

That was Snape's first violation toward his flying privileges.

**Next: **Reason #2: Coming Soon

_**What did you think so far? Please review!**_


	2. Reason 2

**Author's notes**: Wow, thank you everyone for all the reviews so far! Here we go!

* * *

On another occasion when Snape took a plane out of the country, he encountered some problems involving some of the other passengers on his flight. This bring us to our next point:

**Reason #2: Snape Doesn't Like Sitting Next To Large, Obnoxious Passengers**

Snape is sitting in the center seat, reading a book shortly after he boarded the plane. As the other passengers were pilling in, a large, beefy man with a mustache wobbled in and squeezed into the seat next to him, ultimately blocking the isle way. The man's sheer size almost began spreading into Snape's seat. Snape laid his book down and turned toward the man.

It was Vernon Dursley, Harry Potter's adoptive Uncle.

"**Excuse me, you hippo, don't you need two seats to cover all of your ass?"** Snape questioned rudely to Vernon.

"**I beg your pardon? If they didn't make these seats so darn small, then you wouldn't be complaining now, would you?"** Vernon shot back. **"You could always move over into the other seat you know."**

"**I have a better idea, why don't you sit in the baggage area instead?"** Snape suggested, started to get a bit miffed at the man.

"**Why I never!!!"** Vernon said turning to Snape, ready to start a fight.

The flight attendant came to their seats shortly after they were beginning to bicker.

"**Sirs, I'm afraid I'm going to ask you two to behave or else I will have to remove you both from the plane."**

"**Oh fine…" **both men said simultaneously, crossing arms and turning away from each other.

**An Hour Later**

Afterwards when the plane was in flight, Snape resumed reading his book. Meanwhile, Vernon had fallen asleep. As time passed, Snape began to notice Vernon slowly leaning over onto his seat. Snape repeatedly had to nudge him back to an upright position, but Vernon just kept on tilting toward Snape. Eventually, Vernon rolled over in his sleep, right on top of Snape, crushing him from the man's weight.

"**That does it!!!!"** Snape yells from underneath the man as he grabs his wand and zaps Vernon, forcing him to disappear. Snape then looks out the window to see Vernon doing a barrel roll through the sky, screaming along the way, as he was about to crash into the Alpine Mountains.

That amusing moment didn't last long as Dumbledore magically appeared next to him and began chewing him out on abusing his powers. The English Airline Corporation charged Snape later for illegally ejecting a man from their airlines while it was airborne.

That incident was Snape's second offense.

**Next: **Reason #3: Coming Soon

_**Please review!**_


	3. Reason 3

**Authors notes**: To all the readers and reviewers, you all are awesome! Because of the amount of responses, I'm going to update this story every 2-3 days from now onward!

* * *

Though fat guys and alcohol may have gotten Snape in trouble, one mustn't forget one particular incident involving airline snack foods. Here is his next offense:

**Reason #3: Snape Has Had Bad Experience Involving Airline Food**

Snape was writing in his notebook during the flight to another destination to visit a close relative. After a short while, the flight attendant came to his seat and offered him some refreshments.

"**Would you like a drink sir?"** the woman asked.

"**No! No drinks,"** Snape quickly said, trying to forget his embarrassing run-in with alcohol on a recent flight.

"**How about something to eat then?"** the woman offered. **"We've got fresh roasted nuts."**

"**Very well,"** Snape said, giving in to try out the snack. The flight attendant handed him the small bag of nuts and left.

"**Hmm…these look somewhat edible…"** Snape said with little enthusiasm as he attempted to open the plastic baggie.

After several minutes of failing to open the bag of nuts, it accidentally slips out of his hands and lands in the isle.

"**Wonderful…"** Snape sighed as he attempted to get up and retrieve them, when another passenger stepped in front of him and blocked his path.

"**Hey, you, in the trench coat! Grab my nuts will you?"** Snape said to the passenger.

The man turned around and glared at Snape with a 'WTF' look, then ignored him.

Another passenger walked past the isle shortly after, and unnoticingly kicks his snack bag further own the isle.

"**Hey, woman! You kicked my nuts!"** Snape yelled out to her.

The woman turned around and approached Snape.

"**Why I never!"** the woman said, slapping Snape across the face, before leaving.

"**What is wrong with these damn Muggles?"** Snape said, as he waited for the isle to clear so he could retrieve them himself.

Minutes later, Snape had his chance. The rest of the passengers were in their seats, and none of the flight attendants were around. Snape stood up and hastily made his way to his snack bag.

"**Gotcha!"** Snape said, picking them up and grinning.

Just then, the voice of the flight attendant began to talk over the loud speakers.

"_**Attention all passengers, we will be landing shortly. Please return to your seats and fasten your safety belts, for the plane will be descending in a few seconds."**_

"**Uh oh…"** Snape mumbled, as the plane immediately dipped downward, forcing Snape to fly down the isle and crash headfirst into the pilot cockpit door.

Shortly after the disturbance, an air-marshal came into the cabin and apprehended Snape on suspicion of forceful entry into the plane's cockpit. Snape explained himself to the air-marshal, and eventually was free to go back to his seat. Snape sits down and finally gets the bag of nuts open.

"**Finally, now I get to savor my nuts before we land,"** Snape mumbles to himself as he takes a bite out of them.

And wouldn't you know it? Of all things, they were 'Beer Nuts'.

Professor Snape was once again extremely intoxicated from consuming the beer nuts, and this time he was talking nonsense to a nearby elderly woman, showing her a photo of a girl as he rambled.

"**Man! (Hic!) Have you seen this girl? She is so HOT! (Hic!) This Hermione broad is one of my students, you better believe it buddy!"**

Snape was soon apprehended again by the same air-marshal and was charged for harassment of the other passengers.

That embarrassing incident was Snape's third offense.

**Next: **Reason #4: Coming Real Soon!

_**Please review!!!**_


	4. Reason 4

Speaking of harassing passengers, Snape has been indicted on several occasions involving the younger set. You'll see what we mean as we show you the next offense:

**Reason #4: Children Annoy The Hell Out Snape**

"**Hmm…this looks interesting…"** Snape said to himself as he sat on another flight, ready to watch an In-Flight movie. He sat near a mother and her two young kids, who sat around him on both sides

"**Here are your earphones, sir,"** the flight attendant said from the isle, reaching over and handing them to Snape. He slipped on the earphones and waited for the movie to start.

"**Hey mister!"** one of the kids, a young boy asked Snape, poking him on the side.

Snape turned and glared at the little kid. **"What is it?"** Snape grumbled.

"**Uuuuuummmmm…………I forget…"** the boy said, scratching his head.

Snape rolled his eyes and turned away from him.

"**Excuse me mister!"** the other child, a girl asked Snape, tugging on his cloak.

"**What is it?"** Snape growled, glaring at the girl.

"**Um…you're creepy…are you a vampire?"** the little girl asks.

"**Yes…I'm a vampire…and I'm going to suck your blood if you and your bratty brother don't stop bothering me,"** Snape said intentionally to intimidate the girl.

"**Oh…"** the little girl said, now getting quiet.

Several minutes later after the movie had started, Snape was enjoying the flick. Meanwhile, the young boy, whose juice box was sitting next Snape's earphone plug, reached over to grab his drink. As he inched closer to his drink, he suddenly lost his balance and knocked the juice box over onto Snape's earphone plug. The juice then drips out of the box, and began shorting out the device.

**ZAAAAAAP!**

Within a flash, the juice caused Snape's earphone to explode, leaving Snape's hair frizzled and burnt, and most of his face charred as well.

Both children began to laugh after seeing Snape looking messed up.

"**Rotten little brats!!!"** Snape growled as he stood up and grabbed both children under one arm, while he flipped open an overhead baggage compartment above his head, and proceeded to stuff the two kids inside, finishing by shutting the door, ignoring the cries for their mother.

Snape then looked about the plane. Every single passenger was glaring at him after what he had did.

"**Oh come now, I'm sure you all would have done the same!"** Snape tried to persuade the passengers.

It wasn't long before the mother got a hold of the air-marshal, and Snape was once again apprehended for the rest of the flight.

That rather mean incident was Snape's fourth offense toward losing his flying privileges.

**Next: **Reason #5: Coming Real Soon!

_**Please review!!!**_


	5. Reason 5

**Authors note**: Sorry for the delay since the last update was made. Now to get back on track!

* * *

It is said that all things happen for a reason. In Snape's case, it would be his destiny to once again share a flight with a familiar foe. Here is his next offense.

**Reason #5: Professors, Fat Guys, And Lavatories Do Not Mix**

Snape is on another flight, heading to an island resort on vacation from Hogwarts. Instead of his usual black cloak and outfit, Snape is wearing black shorts, a black t-shirt, black sandals, and black shades. As the last few groups of people boarded the plane, a large figure stopped by empty seat right next to him.

"**What?!?! You again?!?!?"** the large man growled in anger as he realized he was going to sit next to the same person as before.

"**Oh hell no…not you again, Vernon Dursley,"** Snape mumbled as he glared at the man from his shades.

"**So you know my name…you should since I was in the news after it took two choppers to haul my ass off the Alpine Mountains!" **Vernon said furiously.

" **I believe it…." **Snape commented, taking his word for it, and at the same time, not caring.

"**Shut up! I knew you were the one who tossed me out of the plane last time you little bastard!"** Vernon said angrily, both of them ready to go at it again.

The flight attendant came and quickly put an end to the quarrel.

"**I believe it would be best if we separated you two during this flight,"** the flight attendant suggested.

"**Fine by me,"** Vernon grumbled, taking his baggage to another location on the plane.

"**Good riddance, damn hippo…"** Snape said, before going back to relax until he arrived in the Caribbean.

**Two Hours Later**

Midway during the flight, Vernon had left his seat and headed toward the lavatory to take a dump. A while later, he came out and returned to his seat. Snape had to go use it too, but he wasn't going to use the one Vernon just came out of.

Snape looks left and right, realizing that all the other lavatories are being occupied, and that he had no choice to use the smelly one that his foe just came out of. Snape steps in and closes the door.

"_**Ugh…what the hell…what in the world did that overweight moron eat to produce this abomination…oh, sweet mother of…did he even flush the toilet…oh, ugh…its all green and brown…this is so disgusting on so many levels…there's even some on the walls and ceiling…there is no way I'm sitting on that toilet…"**_

Right in the middle of Snape's complaining, some airborne turbulence shakes the plane hard enough to send Snape flying headfirst into the toilet with a loud squish.

Without saying a word, Snape fished out his wand and flicked it in the air.

**Outside The Plane**

"**WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"** screamed Vernon, who was once again magically ejected from the plane, and was hurling through the sky toward the oceans near the Bermuda Triangle.

Snape later leaves the lavatory after cleaning himself up, only to be jumped by a couple air marshals and apprehended yet again.

From that point on, Snape would not be allowed to share a flight with Vernon. The airlines were also on the verge of taking away his flying privilages permanently as well.

**Next: **Reason #6: Coming Soon!

_**Please review!!!**_


	6. Reason 6

Here's a half-baked idea gone completely wrong: Take your class with you on a fieldtrip overseas, and teach to them during the flight! In the end...

**Reason #6: Snape Should Have Never Brought His Class On A Plane With Him**

"**Open your books to page 215…"**

Snape was on yet another flight, this time along with his class as they were on their way to a scenic castle to study more about the history of the Dark Arts. To pass the time, he decides to teach his class to help keep them in order. He stood in front of the cabin holding his textbook as he began the lesson.

"**Man, I don't see why we have to learn another boring lesson about the Dark Arts, let alone sit though it on a blasted plane!"** Draco Malfoy complained to the students next to him.

"**Oh quit complaining. This could be useful sometime in the near future,"** Hermione Granger shot back, trying to study the passage in her book.

"**I'm going to have to agree with Malfoy on this one,"** Ron Weasley said.

"**Hmph, you two just don't appreciate good information,"** Hermione responded, rolling her eyes.

"**Say, whatever happened to Harry? Why isn't he with us on this trip?"** Ron asked.

"**I don't know. I think he mentioned something about having to stay with his Uncle Vernon at the hospital as he recovers from nearly drowning in the waters near Bermuda,"** Hermione explained.

"**Hmm…I wonder how that happened…"** Ron responded, scratching his head.

"**Enough chatter, or I'll turn you three into brooms like I did to one of my other misbehaving students…"** Snape said to them, now standing right beside them in the isle.

Snape walked back to the front of the plane.

"**Today's lesson involves learning a spell to prevent one from being magically mugged in some dark alley. All you have to do is take out your wand, lightly flick it in the air and say '**_**Muggerus-Begonis'**_**! Now all of you pick up your wands and do it with me on the count of three. I must warn you, you must flick your wands very lightly. No telling what awful results may come if you do it any harder than needed."**

The entire class took their wands and waited for further instruction.

Snape clears his throat.

"**One…Two…Three!"**

At the exact moment he said three, the plane had hit some heavy turbulence. During this time the entire class wound up overdoing their wand-flicking gestures, which ended in some rather disturbing results.

"**Oh crap…"** Snape muttered as he witness his students turned into various objects and creatures from the overdone spell casting. One student was turned into a broom; another was transformed into an owl. A group of students were turned into potted plants, Draco was turned into a replica of the Fat Lady in the painting, Hermione was morphed into a thick textbook, and Ron was now a hairy orange rat.

Just then, the air marshal enters their area.

"**The pilot wants to apologize for the turbulence. Is everyone alr---****What the bloody hell happened here?!?!?"** the air marshal yells as he saw all of the students turned into various objects. **"Are you responsible for this?"** the air marshal questions Snape.

"**Shit..."** Snape curses under his breath.

From that point on, Snape would not be allowed to chaperone a bunch of kids, and let alone carry his wand on board another plane again.

**Next: **Reason #7: Coming Real Soon!

_**Please review!!!**_


	7. Reason 7

It's one thing to talk about others behind their back. It's also apparently illegal to verbally talk smack about other persons in the middle of a flight. Don't think Snape would dare try it at this point? Think again!

**Reason #7: Talking Trash About The Other Passengers Is A Big No-No**

Snape was on the plane returning to Hogwarts from playing golf with an old colleague of his overseas. He was currently writing his annual report to the school's Board of Directors when he saw something from the corner of his eyes. He turned his head and stared at another passenger sitting across the isle from him. Snape leaned over to the guy sitting next to him and whispered.

"**Hey, check out that guy over there with that tacky outfit. I wander what backwater town he bought it from,"** Snape whispered.

The guy next to him just kept minding his own business, half-listening to what Snape was saying.

Snape looks further down the isles and spots another passenger he could talk about.

"**Take a look at that woman over there. I never imagined seeing anyone that looked older than Miss ****Minerva McGonagall,"** Snape said, eyebrow raised.

Again, the man next to him payed him no mind.

Snape then peeked around his seat at a large man sitting directly behind him, snoring in his sleep. It seems as though he had finished a vey large helping of food before drifting off (the glob of BBQ sauce smeared around his lips was a big giveaway).

"**And get a load of Mr. Hungry-Hungry Hippo right here. It's so disgusting to even look at him. He reminds me too much of that slob Vernon Dursley…"** Snape continued.

The man next to him put down is newsppaer and decided to listen to Snape's babble.

Snape turned and looked down the isle at a female flight attendant.

"**That woman has a big zit on her face. Has she been washing her face with bacon oil?"** Snape said to the man.

Then, an air marshal whom Snape recognized from another flight walked past the isle.

"**It's that troublesome air marshal. He's the jerk who's been apprahending me on previous flights for outragious reasons. Talk about a code-abiding tightwad,"** he grumbled. **"I ought to take him out right here and now so he would stop punishing me for doing what's necessary to enjoy my flights!"**

The man next to him then suddenly stood up and apprehended Snape.

"**What's the meaning of this?"** Snape inquired.

"**The man with the so-called tacky outfit is my boss, that old woman you made a crack about is my mother, the supposed fatass you claim to be dsigruting is my brother, the other air marshal is my best buddy, and that flight attendant with the zit is my girlfriend!"** the man said, cuffing Snape's hands.

"**What?! And who in the world are you?" **Snape demanded.

"**I'm the Director of the English Airlines. I've heard a lot about you and your troublemaking antics on my airlines! After you talked about my family and friends, I ain't letting you ride on my planes anymore!"** the main said, taking Snape to the back of the plane.

"**Goddammit!"** Snape growled to himself.

At this point, Snape would no longer be allowed to fly…with other passengers that it. He has one more chance to clean up his act before he is sanctioned for good.

**Next: **Reason #8: Coming Real Soon!

_**Please review!!!**_


	8. Reason 8

**Author's note**: We've never dreamed of having so many reviews for a single fic. Thank you so much everyone for your support!

* * *

At this point, you've seen Severus Snape make a lot of bad decisions while traveling on airplanes. This next reason would finally be the straw that broke the camel's back…or the plane's back…well, you'll see what we mean in this next reason:

**Reason #8: Airlines Do Not Like Crazed And Delusional Passengers**

"_**This is so degrading…"**_

Snape is sitting on a flight heading to Amsterdam, surrounded by dozens upon dozens of air marshals and other security guards. There were no other pedestrian travelers on board, just Snape and his...special escort service.

"**Let's see you try doing something stupid now!"** one of the air marshals said to him.

"_Oh put a sock in it…"_ Snape sighed to himself. _"There is so much damn security on this plane, I'd probably be prosecuted for sneezing…"_

Snape then notices something from the corner of his eye. A cloud of darkness rose around the seat next to him, and began forming into a solid human-like form. When the cloud dissipated, a pale, evil looking man was sitting next to Snape, looking at him with a menacing glare.

It was Lord Voldemort.

"**Well well well…isn't this a sight to see. Poor old Severus Snape has to be babysat like a child while riding on plane. How pathetic,"** Lord Voldemort said in an insulting tone.

Snape almost jumped out of his seat when he appeared.

"**Lord Voldemort?!? What in the world are you doing here?!" **Snape demanded, now on his guard.

"**Hey! Settle down over there!" **one of the many air marshals warned Snape.

"**What do you mean 'settle down'?!?! Don't you see Lord Voldemort sitting right here next to me?!"** Snape insisted.

Everyone on the plane looked at Snape like he was crazy.

"**They can't see me, but you sure can,"** Lord Voldemort explained.

"**What the hell do you want with me!?" **Snape now whispered to Lord Voldemort, trying to reduce suspicion of talking to someone who they think is not there.

"**I just came to keep you company, that's all. Is that a crime?" **Lord Voldemort asked with a vile smile.

"**You're just here to cause me trouble, that's all! Now get out of here before I get jumped!"** Snape said to Lord Voldemort angrily.

"**Sorry, no can do. After all, I did buy tickets," **Lord Voldemort responded, holding up actual airline tickets to this flight.

**"How the hell are you able to buy tickets...Oh dear god, help me…" **Snape mumbled, slumping down in his seat.

**Exactly Two Hour Later…**

For the last 119 minutes, Lord Voldemort began singing a really horrid rendition of an old Celtic melody in many different languages, from German, to Russian, to Cambodian. Each time Lord Voldemort repeated a verse, his singing got gradually louder and more irritating. Snape had dug his fingers into his seat, gritting his teeth, and trying furiously trying to hold the urge to blow up Lord Voldemort with a magic spell. Lord Voldemort then began getting really cozy with Snape as he kept singing. Eventually, Lord Voldemort was rubbing his hand across Snape's thigh as he sang.

Snape's face was beet red from holding his frustrations in so long, and it now looked like a cross between Popeye, Frankenstein and Winston Churchill. He knew if he'd gone ballistic on Lord Voldemort and told him to shut up right now, he'd get his ass beat by security in mere seconds.

_"I wish Harry Potter was here to fix this…"_ Snape thought to himself, getting very pissed off at Lord Voldemort's terrible voice.

Just then, an announcement was made over the plane's loudspeakers.

_**Attention passengers, we will be landing in Amsterdam shortly. Please fasten your safety belts as we begin to land. Thank you.**_

"**Oh thank goodness,"** Snape said with some relief.

Lord Voldemort finally stopped singing at that moment.

"**I hope you enjoyed my elegant singing talents," **Lord Voldemort said with a cocky tone.

"**The only music I'll enjoy hearing is the beating of my fist against your face when we get off of this place," **Snape threatened Lord Voldemort.

"**Oh come now, we both know you're too much of a kitten to even bother resorting to senseless violence. Oh, by the way, fasten your safety belt," **Lord Voldemort said to Snape.

**"For your information, my safety belt is already fastened,"** Snape growled at Lord Voldemort.

"**No it isn't, because I just unfastened it a moment ago," **Lord Voldemort countered.

"**What?!" **Snape said, looking down to see that his safety belt was indeed not fastened.

The plane then made a sudden dive as it was now beginning to land, causing Snape to fly out of his seat over the other air marshals and slam into the cockpit door, knocking it over, resulting in Snape to land on the airplane control panel inside.

"**THAT DOES IT!!!" **Snape yells from the top of his lungs as he stormed out of the cockpit and took out his wand, firing a large fireball-like spell toward Lord Voldemort

Lord Voldemort dodges the blast by dissapearing using magic. The fireball whizzed all the way toward the back of the plane, blowing up the plane's rear in a grand explosion.

"**You are officially banned from flying, FOREVER!!!!!" **one of the air marshals yelled at Snape, holding him down while the other air marshals went to put out the flames from the fire spell.

* * *

Shortly after, Snape was arrested and taken into custody by the police, and was in jail until his court hearing that following week. And that people, are the reasons why Severus Snape is no longer allowed to fly on an airplane.

But one must wonder what would happen to Snape if he were freed from all charges against him for his disturbances on those crazy flights.

**Author's note**: We were originally going to end the fic here at #8, but because of so much support from readers, we now have the desire to extend the story a few more chapters!

**Next: **Snape's Get's His Name Cleared

_**Please review!!!**_


	9. Intermission

It was the day of Snape's trial for the disturbances on the flights he had taken. Is there any hope for him?

**Intermission: Snape Gets His Name Cleared**

"**Everyone please stand for the honorable Judge Strictigious Hardassmus."**

Severus Snape was sitting near the front of the courtroom, looking pretty discontent on soon hearing his punishment. On the opposite side of him were the top representatives of the British Airlines who were ready to spill all of the fine details of Snape's wrongdoings. In the audience were all of the major staff members from Hogwarts, and several of Snape's students and supporters. Everyone stood as the judge then entered the stand, and sat in his seat.

"**ORDER! ORDER IN THE COURT! ALRIGHT, LET'S HURRY UP AND SENTENCE THIS PIECE OF SHIT TO JAIL SO I CAN GET BACK TO MY GAME OF GOLF!" **the judge said in a booming voice.

Snape looked warily around the room, wondering if all of this was just a bad dream.

"**MR. SEVERUS SNAPE! YOU ARE BEING CHARGED FOR MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS OF DISORDERLY CONDUCT WHILE COMMUTING ON A PASSENGER AIRPLANE DURING THE LAST FOUR MONTHS. CHARGES INCLUDE EJECTING A MAN OUT OF THE PLANE WHILE STILL AIRBORNE, HARASSING THE PASSENGERS, PREMEDITATED ABUSE OF SCHOOLCHILDREN, FORCED ENTRY INTO THE PILOT COCKPIT, CONSUMING TOO MUCH DAMN LIQUOR, AND THE LIST GOES ON! HOW DO YOU…..HEY WAIT A MINUTE…WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR LAWYER?!?!?!?"** the judge yells at Snape.

"**I don't have one…the police never forward one to me even though I asked them too…"** Snape said with much malcontent to the judge.

Out of nowhere, the doors of the courtroom burst open as a teenager enters the room in a snazzy business suit and black-rimmed glasses.

"**WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE BURSTING INTO MY COURTROOM LIKE THAT?!!? STATE YOUR NAME BEFORE I HAVE YOU REMOVED!!!!"** the judge demanded.

"**Potter, your honor, Harry Potter. I am Severus Snape's Attorney,"** Harry said, making his way up to the front of the room and sitting next to Snape.

Snape slowly turned his head toward Harry, who responded by giving Snape a thumbs-up.

"_**I'm screwed…"**_ Snape muttered under his breath as he slumped down further in his seat.

"**VERY WELL. WE WILL NOW HEAR FROM THE REPRESENTATIVES OF THE ENGLISH AIRLINES,"** the judge said.

"**Thank you, your honor,"** said the airline president. **"This man you see here is a dangerous man. Never in the history of our aviation company have we had as much trouble from one person. This person here is a hazard to society, and should be locked up indefinitely. Just look at his face! He even looks like a dangerous individual!"** the airline president testified to the jury.

"_Hey, I take offense about my face being intimidating…"_ Snape says to himself, glaring at the businessmen.

"**Objection! Severus Snape is not a dangerous man!"** Harry countered. **"In fact, you guys have the wrong person, and I have proof!"**

Harry walks up to the jury and shows them a photo comparison of two guys. On the left was Snape, and on the other side was a photo-shoppped image of another guy who closely resembled Snape.

"**You see, you guys are harassing the wrong person. Though both these men have been flying frequently, Severus here has been unfairly targeted because of his resemblance to another troublemaking citizen,"** Harry explained.

"_What the hell is Harry talking about? Is this kid making all of this up?"_ Snape questioned himself as he looked on.

"**Objection! He's leading the jury! That Attorney is using faulty evidence!"** the airline president said.

"**OVERRULED!!!"** the judge shot back. **"LET ME SEE THAT PHOTO,"** the judge ordered Harry.

Harry handed the judge the photo. After a brief moment of silence, the judge was ready to make his ruling.

"**THE EVIDENCE SEEMS CLEAR ENOUGH FOR ME. JURY, WHAT IS YOUR DECISION?"** the judge asked.

"**We find Severus Snape not guilty on all charges,"** a man from the jury reported.

"**THEN I PROCLAIM SEVERUS SNAPE CLEARED FROM ALL CHARGES. CASE DISMISSED,"** the judge says hastily, before leaving the courtroom.

The audience cheered at the news of Snape being innocent. The airline executives left the room in an exasperated huff, while Snape had a really blank look on his face.

Harry walked up to Snape.

"**How'd I do?"** Harry asked Snape.

"**First of all…how in the world were you appointed to be my lawyer, and second, how did you convince the court that I was innocent, when clearly I was guilty of all of those charges?"** Snape asked curiously.

"**Well, I felt it was necessary to help out my favorite professor after my stupid Uncle Vernon kept complaining about what you did to him. I didn't believe him, naturally. And second, on that photo I showed the judge, I pointed out a small minor detail at the bottom of the photo,"** Harry explained.

"**And what minor detail was that?"** Snape questioned.

"**I wrote a message threatening to expose to the audience about a recent scandal involving the judge if he didn't free you of all charges,"** Harry continued.

"**Oh……………………thanks, Mr. Potter…"** Snape said with an unsure tone, shaking the boy's hand.

Shortly, they were free to leave the court.

Snape was a free man now. It would be in his best interest for him to go on vacation from all of this mess. But Snape felt that it wasn't going to be easy to get a flight at this point even though he was falsely cleared by the court. Many people are still holding personal vendettas against him.

**Next: **Reason 9, Coming Real Soon!

_**Please review!!!**_


	10. Reason 9

Just when Snape thought he had taken care of an annoying rival, he returns with a vengeance to help weaken Snape's reputation once more…

**Reason 9: Snape Can't Pass A Decent Airport Security Check**

Snape was at the British International Airport, on his way to the terminal after he had got his baggage checked. Along the way, he had to go thorough a mandatory security check through the metal detectors.

When it was Snape's turn in line, he stepped the large metal detector. All seemed clear.

"**Well that was easy…"** Snape said to himself.

**BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!**

"**What the?!"** Snape said, looking around to the see metal detecting machine blaring, indicating that Snape had something metal on him.

"**This is ridiculous! I'm not carrying anything metal on me!"** Snape said, looking at the people, who stared back at him suspiciously.

"**Alright, pal, time for a strip search,"** said a man from behind him.

Snape turned around and dropped his jaw open in disbelief at the security guard approaching him.

"_Vernon Dursley…again?!"_ Snape said to himself.

Vernon stopped in front of Snape and grinned evilly.

"**Well well, if ain't my old nemesis, Severus Snape,"** Vernon said, crossing his arms.

"**How in the world did you recover so quickly? And what are you doing as an airport security guard?"** Snape questioned.

"**That is none of your business. But it'll be my pleasure to humiliate you in front of everyone like you have done to me the past several weeks!"** Vernon responded. **"Now remove your clothes!"**

"**Are you mad? Why can't you just run your handheld metal detector across me like normal security guards do?"** Snape questioned. **"I'll tell you right now you won't find anything on me."**

"**Because I don't want to do what the other guards do! Now take off your clothes before I call for backup and have you arrested for failure to comply with authorizes,"** Vernon said with much delight.

"**No way in hell!"** Snape shot back at Vernon.

"**You asked for it!"** Vernon said, preparing to pull out his walkie-talkie.

"**I must find a way to distract him…"** Snape thought, thinking of a way to get out of this situation.

That's when he saw the perfect opportunity.

"**Look over there! That man has a gun!"** Snape pointed out to Vernon.

"**Bullshit! I know you're trying to get out of this, but its not going to work! So you lose, Severus Sn---"** Vernon began to say.

**BANG!!!**

Vernon stopped dead in his tracks when a bullet whizzed over Vernon's head, leaving a line of black smoke across his hair. He looks over to see a gang of 1930's style gang members' breach security with bags full of weapons.

"**Nya, see? This was too easy, see? Nya-ha-ha!"** said one of the gang members.

"**Uh oh, if my boss sees this, I'll be…"** Vernon started to say, when an airline official approached him.

"**VERNON, YOU FAT LAZY OAF! YOU LET A BAND OF CROOKS GET THROUGH SECURITY IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?!?! YOU'RE FIRED!!!"** the airline official yells to Vernon, ripping off Vernon's entire uniform until he was in nothing more than his yellow underwear.

Snape used this opportunity to slip past the scene unnoticed.

Unfortunately, all of this was caught on camera, and Snape later received a warning for his actions that day from the representatives of the British Airlines. What will be in store for Snape next?

**Next: **Reason 10, Coming Real Soon!

_**Please review!!!**_


	11. Reason 10

You've heard of flyers who have had their luggage lost by airport personnel, but how far would Snape go to get his back…and what will he find?

**Reason 10: Snape Losing His Baggage Equals Trouble**

"**What do you mean my baggage is missing?"**

Snape was at the airport information desk complaining to a representative after his baggage did not arrive in the terminal after returning from Germany.

"**I'm sorry sir, our records indicate that your baggage did not arrive,"** the woman behind the counter said.

"**Woman, do you know what was in my baggage?"** Snape said to the woman behind the counter.

"**I'm sorry sir, there is nothing we can do about your lost luggage. Might I suggesting that you file a claim for a cash refund?"** the woman said.

"**Cash refund? Forget it, I'll investigate this myself,"** Snape said, walking away from the counter in a huff.

**Later…**

Snape was back in the baggage claim area after the crowds around the terminal had died down.

"**The coast seems to be clear…"**

Snape then hastily climbed onto the revolving baggage conveyer belt and made his way up the ramp where the baggage came out of.

Snape soon found himself in the airport baggage wherehouse, where mounds upon mounds of lost baggage lie unclaimed. He slid down the ramp and began searching for his own, eventually finding it in the corner.

"**Aha! There's my luggage!"** Snape said with a grin as he went to retrieve it. **"So the airport seems to be hording baggage from the other passengers. I could sue the airlines and buy my own plane once I tell authorities about this."**

"**Yeah, you could, but who would believe you?"** said a voice from behind Snape.

Snape turned around and stood face to face with the representatives of the British Airlines.

"**So you've found out about our plot,"** said the president of the British airlines.

"**Just what are you up to?"** Snape demanded to the men.

"**What are we up to? The question should be what are _you _up to. You've been causing us nothing but trouble ever since you began flying on our planes. So we've decided to intercept your luggage and see if we can find anything illigal to use against you,"** the president continued.

"_They're lucky I forgot to pack my Muggle Zapper…"_ Snape thought to himself. **"Let me guess, you want me back in jail…"** Snape responded.

"**Correct. After we lost that court case, our company lost millions of dollars. Now, give up, Severus Snape, there is no escape!"** the president said as he and his corporate goons began closing in on Snape.

"**Damn…"** Snape said, not knowing how to escape.

Just then, a loud crashing noise was heard from behind all of them.

"**Hey! You mess with him, you gotta go though me first!"**

Everyone turned around to see Vernon Dursley charging right toward the corporate guys, knocking them over like bowling pins.

Snape had a 'what the hell' look on his face.

"**Vernon Dursley? What are you doing here? Please don't tell me you're part of this plot too…"** Snape said to Vernon.

"**No way! The only reason I came back because I know that these guys were plotting against you back when I was a security guard here. And no one's gonna mess with you except for me, got it? Now get out of here while you still can before I change my mind ands kick your butt right here and now!"** Vernon said as he kept the representatives occupied.

Snape hesitated for a moment, before finally making himself flee the baggage wherehouse.

**Later…**

Snape was back in the main area of the airport.

_"This is getting too weird. I wonder when Dumbledore will reinstate my wizardry license so I can travel via magic again…"_ Snape thought to himself.

Suddenly, he was stopped by airport security.

"**Sir, our cameras caught you unlawfully entering the baggage wherehouse a while back. I'm afraid you'll have to come with us for questioning,"** said one of the security personnel.

"**Of for the love of…"** Snape grumbled as he was apprehended again.

Snape was charged for unlawful entrance to a restricted area of the airport and fined a hefty sum on money. At this point, Snape had one more flight he needed to take before his wizardry license would be reinstated. Can he do this successfully without getting into any more trouble?

**The Final Chapter**: Snape Versus The British Airlines: Snape's Final flight, Coming Real Soon! Stay tuned!

_**Please review!!!**_


	12. Final Chapter

**Authors' note**: Sorry about the delay, took a while to come up with a proper ending. With that said, let's finish this!!!

* * *

You've witness Snape's blunders while flying on various airplanes, you've witnessed Snape evade jail time for his alleged crimes…

Now it is the time to witness Snape's last flight in:

**The Final Chapter: Snape Vs The British Airlines: Snape's Final flight**

There he was.

Entering the main doors of the airport, Snape was determined to fly once again without any qualms of getting intervened by the British Representatives.

"_Just one more flight before I get my wizardry license reinstated,"_ Snape said to himself as he went to the nearest ticket agent, luggage bag in hand.

As Snape walked through the airport, many airport employees, air marshals, and pilots were giving him evil glares. Snape simply ignored the stares and continued his way.

At the ticket agent, Snape got out his ticket and showed it to the lady behind the counter.

"**Okay, sir, your flight is in terminal 242,"** the lady behind the counter said.

Snape nodded and was on his way to the baggage screening area. Once there, he placed his bag on the conveyer belt to be screened.

Nothing-amiss here.

Snape took his baggage and made his way to the terminal and boarded the plane. He sat in his specified seat and waited until the plane took off. When it was airborne, Snape sat and wondered…

"_Everything seems to be faring fine…this is a bit troubling indeed,"_ Snape thought to himself.

Suddenly, all of the passengers on board the plane disappeared in a puff of smoke, and the lights on the plane went black.

It was pitch dark.

"**What's going on here?!"** Snape said out loud. **"I knew things going this smoothly was too good to be true!"**

A few lights turned on around Snape. Out of the shadows appeared the familiar faces Snape knew too well.

It was the British Airline Representatives.

"**You…!!!"** Snape said as he began to stand up.

"**Stop right there, Severus Snape!!!"** the President of the British Airlines commanded as he and his cohorts pulled out magic wands and aimed it at Snape.

"**What a surprise. So a bunch of two-timing Wizards are running the British Airlines. What will you do next, make a chimera come out your ass?"** Snape said with a smug grin.

"**I'll make you eat your words,"** the President said, charging up his wand. **"Prepare to meet your doom, Snape!"**

Snape had to do something quick before he was turned into god knows what.

"**LOOKOUT! HARRY POTTER'S OWL IS ABOUT TO FLY INTO THE ENGINE TURBINES!!!"** Snape exclaimed, pointing to the window behind the men.

"**WHAT?!"** the men yelled in unison as they turned their back to Snape.

Snape took this opportunity to knock over the men and flee to the back of the plane. He eventually found the baggage compartment and hid there for the time being.

"**I need to think of something to get out of this situation before I'm found…if only I had my magic…"** Snape thought out loud.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Albus Dumbledore appeared next to Snape via magic teleportation.

"**Ah, there you are, Professor Snape. I have come to reinstate your Wizardry License,"** Dumbledore said to Snape.

"**So soon? I thought it wouldn't be reinstated until after this weekend?"** Snape said, raising an eyebrow.

"**Well, it seems as though we made a slight goof-up with scheduling the length of your punishment, and it looks like you get to use your magic again today!"** Dumbledore said, flicking his wand at Snape, undoing the spell that'll now allow Snape to fully and freely use his magic again.

"**You have my gratitude, Dumbledore. Maybe I won't kill you in the near future after all,"** Snape said with a grin.

"**What?!"** Dumbledore said, raising an eyebrow.

"**Nothing, nothing…"** Snape said, turning to hastily leave the baggage area.

Back up to the main area of the plane, the airline representatives were frantically looking for Snape.

"**Where did that pasty-faced pansy run off to?"** the President said out loud.

"**You called, fatass?"** Snape said, appearing from around the corner.

"**Zap him!!!"** the President said as he and the other men started shooting magic missiles at Snape.

Snape dodged the attack and fired his wand at some nearby passenger seats. The seats then came to life and began ferociously attacking the men. One seat began boxing one of the representatives, while another bit the ass of another. The President got away from the attack and attempted to run-down Snape with a full-blown charge.

Snape used his wand to force open a nearby lavatory door, causing the President to slam face first into it with a crash.

"**Give up?"** Snape said to the President, walking up to the open lavatory door that was blocking the hallway.

Suddenly, the President punches through the door and grabs Snape around the neck through the other side.

"**Die Snape!!!"** the President yelled in pure anger as he began choking the hell out of Snape.

"**Hey! Look behind you!!!"** said a voice from behind the President.

The President turned around only to be smash in the face by Vernon Dursley's massive fist, causing him to stumble into the lavatory and get his head stuck inside the toilet.

Snape looked at Vernon and raised an eyebrow.

"**Thanks, I owe you one,"** Snape said.

"**Heh, you just be thankful I'm' helping you out. Remember, I'm still going to get revenge on you after this is all over!"** Vernon said.

Both men turned to the remaining representatives and smiled evilly.

"**I think I'm going to enjoy this particular flight,"** Snape said, as he and Vernon proceeded to finish taking out the trash.

**Epilogue**

Preceding the events from this flight, Snape disappeared from the scene of the crime when that plane landed, while Vernon found a way to escape himself without getting caught. The Representatives of the British Airlines filed a traveling restriction on Severus Snape that would prevent him from using public transportation in the Muggle world for the rest of his life.

But Snape didn't mind. He got what he wanted, and was relieved that he won't have to deal with airplanes or conglomerate wackos ever again.

These are the events and reasons why Snape was put on the no-fly list.

* * *

**The End!**

_**Thank you for reading this fic! Please review!!!**_

Check out our latest Harry Potter fic:

Severus Snape Versus Harry Potter: The Wizardry Wars, already up!


End file.
